How to Strengthen Relationships During Deployments

Reading time: 7 Minutes

MWi Hacks:

• Learn how to strengthen your relationship during some of the challenging times of a military relationship like deployments and reintegrations.

MWi Summary:

• Maintain open, honest conversations, actively listen, and use creative methods like phone calls or video chats to stay connected, especially during separations.
• Regularly assess your relationship, create meaningful daily rituals (like kisses or date nights), and adapt expectations as the relationship evolves.
• Plan ahead for potential disagreements, use “I” statements, and stay respectful during conflicts to avoid escalation.
• Stay connected during deployments or separations with thoughtful communication, care packages, and patience, while utilizing resources like counseling when needed.

Relationships are like military missions in that they require strategy, foresight and effort. With life pulling you in different directions, it’s important to maintain your focus and know how to feed your relationship so it continues to thrive. Here are some tips, techniques and resources to help keep your relationship strong.

Relationship tips

• Work on communication skills. Strong relationships are built on effective communication. Make an effort to really listen to each other and share both positive and negative feelings to keep the environment honest and open. Some people use a phone call during the day to settle family business, so they’re free to enjoy time together when they get home. Stay connected by exploring new ways to expand and improve your communication skills.
• Do regular maintenance. Occasionally, take the pulse of your relationship to examine what’s working, what isn’t and what you both can do to strengthen your connection. Do you wish spending time together was a higher priority? Do you share the household work? Discuss the changes that will bring you into harmony and decide together on the compromises you’re willing to make.
• Adjust your expectations. Accept yourself, your spouse and your relationship as they exist today. It’s natural to want the honeymoon phase to last forever. But people and relationships change over time, and each new milestone brings different dynamics and routines.
• Create rituals. Routine and rituals can help hold a relationship together. A goodbye kiss before work, breakfast in bed with the crossword puzzle on weekends, weekly date nights or a walk after dinner are little things that, over time, become the glue in a healthy relationship.
• Plan dates and surprises for each other. Romance should be an ongoing part of your relationship, not just special occasions. Take turns planning dates or other surprises to keep your relationship exciting. You could rent some kayaks, get concert tickets for your partner’s favorite band, or turn your dining area into a fancy restaurant to wine and dine your partner when getting home from work. Be thoughtful in your plans and consider what your spouse enjoys.
• Plan for roadblocks. You won’t always agree on everything. Think about and discuss situations you know cause friction, and plan to treat one another with respect before a disagreement happens. Use “I” statements and keep your focus on the issue at hand. Get into the habit of looking for your spouse’s positive traits and showing appreciation.
• Give each other space. Your relationship will be stronger and more interesting if you give your spouse time and space without you. Remember, one person can’t possibly meet all your needs. Both you and your spouse must keep and nurture outside friendships and interests.
• Be active and have fun together. A couple that works out together stays together. Exercising with your partner is not only a fun way to get in shape, it helps you feel better about yourselves, which, in turn, strengthens your relationship. Take up a sport or activity together, whether it’s pickleball, dancing, playing cards or walking. Check out your local Morale, Welfare and Recreation program. You can also contact Military OneSource for a list of groups and activities in your local area. Call 800-342-9647 or start a live chat.

These resources provide professional support for military couples with relationship concerns:

• Love Every Day, a personalized text message program, helps couples develop and practice good relationship communication and foster a renewed sense of connection.
• OurRelationship® helps couples work through relationship challenges through flexible, evidence-based online activities, with or without a coach.
• Building Healthy Relationships is a specialty consultation from Military OneSource that helps you deepen relationships with family, friends and others through an education-based consultation.
• Non-medical counseling from Military OneSource and the Military and Family Life Counseling Program is free and confidential. Contact information for other counseling options, such as chaplains and the Family Advocacy Program, can be found on MilitaryINSTALLATIONS.

Every relationship has its strengths and weaknesses; however, some relationships are healthier than others. If you have concerns about your relationship, learn how to recognize unhealthy relationship behaviors and where to go for help.

Five steps to fortify your relationship during deployment

While deployment, temporary duty assignments, and other geographical separations can be challenging to a relationship, you and your partner can take steps to prevent or minimize strain — and even nurture your relationship through all phases of deployment and other military life events. Here are five steps:

1. Talk about your feelings. Discuss your upcoming separation. Make time to talk about your feelings, listen to your partner and plan how each of you will manage during your time apart. Make this time special. If you have children, get a sitter and spend a few hours alone with your spouse in honest conversation.
2. Plan how you will stay in touch. Discuss how you’ll communicate: email, phone, video chat or snail mail. Which ones are the best to connect the two of you? What’s realistic? Your relationship is the connection between the home front and the mission. Plan how to stay connected.
3. Share daily happenings. Stay active but take time for yourself. If you have children, keep them occupied and on track, but give yourself permission to rest and relax. When you and your partner communicate, fill each other in on your daily routines, updates on children, work, activities and friends and family. Think about creating an online journal with pictures your spouse can access over the internet. This builds the connection, while keeping your spouse updated on home front activities. Share songs that remind you of each other.
4. Send care packages. Everybody enjoys receiving care packages. Sending them to each other can be fun, too. Deliver a little piece of home to your deployed spouse, or if you’re the one who is deployed, a trinket from your location to your spouse back home. Be creative with each other. Include treats, funny notes and items of special meaning for both of you. Include homemade coupons, reminding your spouse of the special things you’ll do when you are together again.
5. Communicate when you can. Be realistic about communication. Your spouse may be in an area with limited mail or email service or cannot respond right away. Remember, sporadic communication doesn’t mean your spouse doesn’t care.

No matter how you feel about the current state of your relationship, any marriage can become more satisfying if both of you are willing to work together. If the desire and commitment are there, then you and your spouse can keep your relationship fresh, strong and close. Commit to making the time to rekindle, repair or reset your relationship.